Dating, being married to, or going out with a “strong” and independent woman is definitely not for
the insecure. The stereotypical thoughts and images of strong women bring up negative emotions and disdain for anyone who is bold enough to claim this title. Let’s take a moment to dive into some of the core fundamentals of being a strong woman.
• She knows how to access her divine wisdom
• She is determined and goes for what she wants
• She speaks her mind with truth and honesty
• She stands firm in her beliefs
• She can determine right and wrong (i.e., morals)
• She knows exactly who she is
• She has high self-esteem
• She embodies a mixture of interdependence, dependency, and independence
Ironically, these qualities don’t just belong to one gender. These qualities should be considered gender neutral. If a man had some of the attributes listed above, would you consider him to be a strong man? I would think so. And these attributes have nothing to do with physical strength but rather with mental aptitude.
More often than not, when I hear men speaking about a “strong” or “independent” woman, it is usually anything other than positive. She is seen as overly masculine, self-reliant, a person who tells people what to do, someone who takes no crap from no one, who doesn’t need a man, has daddy issues, and is strong-willed. She is a “Bad Bitch” who should be feared by all!
Let’s paint a scenario here. Let’s say a man named Tyrone is looking for wifey material. His friend happens to know of the perfect woman for him, and the conversation goes something like this:
“Hey Tyrone, I know you are looking to settle down, so I want to introduce you to a good friend of mine. She is a strong, independent, and intelligent woman. When would you like to meet her?”
Most likely Tyrone would respond with a blank stare as he slowly backs away towards the nearest exit never to be seen by his friend again.
Unfortunately, most of our cultural programming has steered us away from women who are labeled as “strong” or “independent.”
If Tyrone’s friend approached him with, “Hey Tyrone, I would like to connect you with a good friend of mine. She is super sweet, gentle, a home-body, and loving.” Most likely Tyrone would respond with a blank stare and think to himself, “This is too good to be true. When is the soonest I can meet her.” The description provided by Tyrone’s friend suggests she will be subservient and non-threatening – perfect “wifey” material.
Usually, when a “strong” woman is mentioned in a positive light, it is because she may be good at a particular sport, managing a Fortune 500 company, or lifting heavy furniture. These traits don’t necessarily coincide with an intimate relationship. Why is that you may ask? Maybe it’s because most men believe this woman is going to get on his nerves and counter his decisions on everything. Hmmm, well that’s interesting. Let’s take a second gander at the qualities listed above for a strong woman. If we were to be completely honest, when we describe a “strong” woman, we are saying that she would have a mind of her own. GASP! So you’re saying I actually have to validate myself to a mere woman? I have to discuss my ideas, my desires, and my beliefs? She will not follow me just because I am her man and she is my woman? She will not adhere to all of my wants and demands simply because I believe she should? You mean she is a separate being, an individual soul, with a mind and purpose of her own? Um, yeah.
Women have actually had their own passions, wants, and desires since the dawn of humanity. Nothing new there. Sometimes it can seem as though some men view their women as sweet, obedient dogs. Once these men either lose control or realize they never had the right to control anyone to begin with, they look for some other obedient woman they believe is marriage material. I won’t get into cultural differences here because every culture in this world has an independent woman. We will just say that these men look for women who are totally in alignment with their will, obey their every whim and desire blindly, and never question their “leadership.” I know, I know, men don’t think this way anymore. I understand this is hard to believe, but I meet men like this all the time and speak to them often. These men can’t grasp the fact that not all girls dream of leaving their parents’ household, just to marry someone who treats them like a maid instead of a wife. As human beings, we all desire to live with a sense of freedom and belonging. No one has the right to stifle the personal desires or opinions of another. What kind of man would you say you are? Are you looking for a compliant Stepford wife or a strong, confident, and driven woman?
Just to be fair, let’s go ahead and look at some of the CONS to being with a strong woman.
You will have to treat her as your equal.
You will be held accountable for your actions.
You may have to clean up after yourself.
You will be expected to be spiritually and physicially invested in your relationship.
Be prepared for long, long talks (strong women usually have a lot to say).
You will have to communicate and do so in a respectful and responsible manner.
You will have to respect her when she says she is not in the mood for sex.
Be prepared for joint decision making.
She should have a say in important household matters, just as much as you should.
You are not allowed to run away or suddenly become mute when a conflict occurs. Either you must engage in conversation or both of you must choose to cool off and come together later if need be.
You must master the art of negotiation. Strong women love to get their point across and are willing to negotiate.
Ok, I know this sounds like a lot. I know having a healthy, loving, and cooperative relationship will actually take some work and serious effort when dealing with a strong woman. But trust me, fellas, it is so worth it. Now before you get too discouraged, I promise, there is a treasure at the end of the rainbow when being with a strong woman. If you are a strong man, you will not see the previous list as cons, but as a chance to elevate and become a stronger person yourself.
Now, let’s look at the PROS to being with a strong woman.
• When you treat her with respect, you will get great rewards and appreciation in return. The
relationship will be happier overall, including much much more sex.
• Conversations will be deep and interesting.
• You will have someone that doesn’t mind getting dirty and sharing the load in daily life.
• You will sense her strength and steadfastness, which will strengthen you and make you feel on
top of the world.
• You both will grow in leaps and bounds together, as iron sharpens iron.
• Though all women want to feel loved, you won’t have to coddle her. She has enough resilience
to take care of herself. Her need comes in the form of support, and she loves to give support as
• She won’t deliberately pretend to be weak to bolster your ego, so if she gives you an ego boost,
then you must have done something genuinely right to deserve it.
• She will give you advice, and you won’t feel like you’re less of a man for receiving it.
• Her strength will challenge you to be a greater version of yourself. ’Cause anything less just
Depending on who you are and where your level of elevation currently stands, being with a strong woman can either be a terrifying proposition or an exhilarating and passionate adventure. All women regardless of whether they are stay-at-home moms, business tycoons, single mothers, grandmothers, creative artists, adrenaline junkies, or spiritualists, are powerful, and inspirational human beings who have chosen to walk their life path with love, confidence, and conviction.
All of these traits should be admired and respected. Clearly, it is obvious that as a strong, opinionated, and free-spirited woman myself, I will always root for the woman who passionately and unwaveringly goes for whatever she wants from life. My husband will tell you, being with a woman like me for over 15 years includes a conglomerate of challenges and rewards. This process keeps him sharp, ever-evolving, alive, and in love. I don’t use the term “friend” loosely, but my husband is my true friend, companion, partner, and lover.
Contrary to popular cultural beliefs, my household includes two heads, not one. We rule our home together, we plan together, we negotiate, we compromise, we listen, and we evolve. This is what it means to be with a “strong woman” – now go get you one! Happy searching.